i felt so sick last night. i had a temp of 100, chills and more. something is twitching and i am feeling low again. my brother and his wife had their baby this week. i am truly happy for them although i can't help myself in feeling jealous, make that sad for myself, not jealous. we have been trying longer than they have been dating. life isn't fair. that doesn't help. i am so completely alone. my poor hubby wants so badly to support my stupid mood swings, which helps most of the times. but these really low days there is absolutely nothing, and i mean nothing that pulls me out but time. so here i sit, hoping time will pass quickly and i will feel like living again.
i'm not done with the roller coaster. it's mid-cycle and that's me thinking optimistically. my life as i thought it would be is over. forever over. i only feel i can freely share my feelings on this anonymous blog, which always seems to be so negative. i get down on myself for writing how i am feeling and then rereading it later only to judge myself for writing my truth. i am so uncomfortable with myself. i have lost everything that keeps momentum.
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