can you make your own hope?

i'm just angry. every turn has been the "wrong" direction.  I continue to grieve the one thing my body doesn't seem to allow. ... after this m/c i thought we would just move along, that it was a sign of hope that at least i was able to get one BFP. i don't have to decide right now. i can make a decision tomorrow. but i'm scared of what that requires.

I didn't expect a chemical m/c to hurt so much. to take such a toll on me emotionally and physically. i didn't think I was pregnant "enough" for my body to be reacting like this. it just really sucks. and i am having a hard time finding hope. every time i think i am moving forward, i run into a setback. i get a new diagnosis of something else that's wrong with me. i have to find it in me to hold steady and face another day. 

i know i can. i know i have to. i have to make my own hope.