Wednesday, June 15, 2011

looking fear in the eye

I feel like I'm back to square one. I have been working so hard to make changes and move things in my life toward something.  But I'm only more scared than I was when I started. 
I have sought out help, but I don't trust her. I don't trust.  I'd like to learn to trust, but I'd like an apology before I do.  I don't think I'll ever get that apology. 
I'm afraid of being angry at my friends and family. I would like to put this in storage and never think of it again. But because I don't know just what 'it' is, I'm compelled to be curious and look for a resolution to help me find my Self.

Argh. I'm getting another year older very soon - why am I getting so unhappy the older I get?  I'm not enjoying this time. The 30s have turned out not to be good years for me.