Yep, I seriously wrote that I'm grateful for arguing. Well, not arguing, but for the communication that sometimes requires the pulling of teeth to land in ones soul.
I just had one of those tough connections with my husband. He's a wonderful guy and while I have been going throug some tough self exploration which often feels like self exportation, I was taking out the anger and fear in my life on him. He pulled me aside, and asked me tough questions. I nearly died. I could finally understand what all those love lost songs are about - and I was happy living my life without ever having known such pain. Our argument went on for hours. I bawled like I've never done before. I shared my fears and anxiety with this man that I have known and loved more than half my life. And this was the first time I had done this with him. He asked, pushed me to tell him what was happening in my heart. Why I was doing these mean things to him. I even explained that I was un aware that I was being so mean, that I only thought I was protecting him. He asked me to be the family that I want, and to do that meant sharing me fears, my questions, my anxiety.
As I go to bed tonight, eyes puffy, nose running from hrs of tears and pleas for forgiveness and redo's, I am reminded to be grateful. To be grateful for arguments. For they too can bring about love compassion and understanding. Especially if you are patient and loving in your expression. If you argue from love and for love you can really find the spark of the soul that was lost with years of living outside yourself.
I am grateful for today's argument. Grateful to be closer to my husband.
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