At any moment - 4 days left

Update:
My slow growing Hcg that once showed a single little sac in my uterus, is now showing 2 little sacs with yolks in my uterus. I will return this week to see if those sacs grow fetal poles. If no, I am told the familiar, "you should miscarry on my own, at any moment". If one, or both do show poles, what then?  My RE says this pregnancy is doomed. He must think I am nuts for continuing this waiting game week after week.  This is a horrible existence.   I spent the morning with my mom, most girls would be delighted to have their mom around at a time like this, to share all the excitement, ask for advice and get giddy with.  But me? In my life, it's a stupid play to share anything this important. Why? because life just doesn't work out for me.  Of course, I didn't share with her what is going on. At this point, why should I? All of this is doomed.

I heard a dude over the weekend tell the grocery store that his wife's pregnancy and birthing was 'so easy' that she was back to ironing his shirts after giving birth for three hours earlier in the day. It's talk like this that makes me so angry.

Why can't I just let this roll off my back?

Because it is hurtful. And everything these days, feels hurtful.

My body hurts, knowing that I am supposed to miscarry "at any moment".

My mind hurts, knowing that I am supposed to miscarry "at any moment".

My mind hurts, knowing I may have to decide HOW I will miscarry "at any moment".

My soul hurt, because things like this, just shouldn't happen. To anyone.


4 days left ...